As an example, I’m a great knitter. I can knit with the best of them. Since I really, truly accept this as a fact, I have no need to compare my knitting to someone else’s. There are better knitters in the world, I’m sure, but hell, what do I care? I do the job pretty damn well, and that’s enough. So, let’s apply this to our looks because God knows, we’re told and told and told that our looks aren’t good enough…unless we’re buying someone’s makeup or lotion or whatever. THEN, we can be the sexiest bitches ever. But that’s another rant.
I have a very, very hard time accepting that I’m pretty. I do NOT accept this as a fact. Not way down deep where it counts. So I’m forever comparing myself to others. Sometimes, favorably; mostly, not so much. Now, if I were to accept that I am beautiful as a fact, I wouldn’t bother with the comparing. It simply wouldn’t matter to me if someone were prettier or thinner or whatever. Conversely, I wouldn’t have to look for ways I’m prettier/thinner/whatever with someone else. My own prettiness would be enough.
And right there…did you see it? THAT is how you deal with haters. Well, most of the time. (I plan on talking about how to get appropriate health care in tomorrow’s post which is already written, so NO WAITING THIS TIME!) You remind yourself that you are enough. Your looks, your brains, your talents – all enough. Then, you remind yourself that someone who is being ugly and hateful is doing what they can do to survive. They’re trying to make themselves feel better. It’s not healthy, but they don’t know another way.
Now is this an excuse to ignore that type of shit? Of course not. But it IS a way to remind yourself that you don’t have to take on someone else’s issues. Anytime someone is nasty to you, treat that shit like “The Watchtower,” politely refuse and hand it right back. (“The Watchtower” is the Jehovah’s Witness magazine. I mean no offense to Jehovah’s Witnesses. The ones I’ve met all seem like nice people. But I still don’t want the damn magazine.) And by “hand it back”, I do NOT mean tell them all the ways they suck. Just let them know that whatever is THEIR problem, not yours, and you’re not going to MAKE it your problem, thank you very fucking much.
I want to say something that might be upsetting, but I’m going to say it anyway. If the haters in your life are friends or family, let them know the hate stops or they go. Period. If you find your sister/aunt/mother saying shit that would have you punching a stranger right in their gonads, tell them to knock that shit off immediately. Let them know that you’re ALL DONE with feeling like shit about yourself. If they can’t get on board, they can get the fuck out.
Does that sound hardcore? Yeah? Well, it is hardcore. But from experience, I’m telling you – as long as you allow people in your life who shit on you, you will never get hold of this idea of loving yourself. Every time you try to lift yourself up, they will be there to knock you right back down. Again, this is a lack of self-love on their part, but knowing why doesn’t make it acceptable. It just makes it easier to take it less personally.
The biggest part of dealing with haters is to remember they are human beings in pain trying to find relief and to LOVE YOURSELF. I feel like I should make a macro that says LOVEYOURSELFLOVEYOURSELFLOVEYOURSELF over and over and over here. Heh. So. There you go – how to deal with haters. (At least in part.) Tune in tomorrow for some anecdotes about shitty doctors and how I dealt with them.