Steph (quirkyblogger) wrote,

Random crap on a random day.

So, I kind of wanted to delve into this fat acceptance thing a little more. Because y’all know how I get – I obsess over something for a while, then I integrate it into my life, and you don’t have to read about it every. single. day. But until that integration happens, well…you’re stuck with it. Heh.

Anyway, I think a big part of my life has been learning to accept things about myself or my life that aren’t maybe so socially acceptable. For example, my first two kids – now society has come a long way re: racism, but not THAT far.

When Matt was a baby, there were comments about me being a “nigger lover” and about Matt being a “nigger baby.” Those comments happened a lot, and I didn’t give a shit. (Okay, it HURT like a sonofabitch when a relative made the comments, but from strangers? It just pissed me off.)

But I never internalized those things. I didn’t believe then (or now or ever) that having a baby with a black man made me inferior to anyone. I simply refused to accept what a few bigoted dickheads thought of me. I didn’t accept that who I dated made any statement about my value as a person. I did not accept the shame with which they tried to burden me.

Another example: I figured out pretty early on that college just wasn’t for me. I’ve never, ever known what I want to be when I grow up. I’ve fluttered from this to that to this. (The only thing I can say that I have always, always, always wanted to be is a mom. That’s the only vision I ever had for myself continuously.)

So, when people assumed that I dropped out of college because I was lazy or stupid or whatever, I didn’t internalize that. Well…maybe a little, but for the most part, it really hasn’t fazed me. I refuse to let myself be ashamed for not spending money I don’t have on a degree I probably won’t use. (See my comment re: being a mom.)

I think when I finally discovered the “Fatosphere,” (thank you, Mel) I was already prepared for the idea that what other people think doesn’t have to be what I think. I don’t have to be ashamed of myself because I’m fat. I don’t have to internalize what society says is beautiful. I can be me doing my thing, and it’s not only okay, it’s fucking AWESOME.

At the end of the day, THAT is what I want to pass on to my kids. “Be yourself; it’s enough.” (Oh. Also “Old skool rap makes life worth living.” So, those two things.)
Tags: accept yourself as you are today, everyone is beautiful, love yourself
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.